Court adjourned! Charged GUILTY!!

This is about something that I have been avoiding to think about for the longest 2 months yet. Guilt. It is one of,what I thing, a primary response of a non-sociopath to the skeletons in his/her closet.

And, frankly, this is one emotion for which, I do not mind being a sociopath. It is absolutely pathetic to think of your guilt....(this act is also called regret).

It is only possible to experience guilt when you truly believe that you have violated some standards of your own set of rules. Else,nothing can actually convince one of his/her guilt. Why the hell am I telling this?? Trust me, I am actually searching for an answer in thin air. Thing is, in most case, I let the gone, be gone.

I have been reading a few lines a few too many times everywhere.

There were something like a bunch of people on their death beds,who were asked..."What do you regret in your life?"

Firstly, the person who asked them this question, if I get hold of his neck, I'll choke him!! These folks belong to the lowest level of hell!!! Jaa chudail!!!(more on that,sometime later...)

Okay,the responses, as per these dying folks were like this mostly:

-" I wish I had smiled more/allowed myself to be happier",

"I wish I had listened to my heart more".. or something like that.

Not like..."I wish I hadn't asked that girl out,so that I could save myself the embarrassment of getting slapped." 

I haven't done any public survey to add to the credibility of what I think/say/type(Urrghh!! Whichever,you see fit!!) but we almost always regret more from not doing something, rather than doing it. Just personal experience, no proof. I had been a part of my dream that came the closest to coming true. Then my mom called. For the first time, I  woke up.(Yeah,usually,my mom leaves me to nature's devices to wake up...unfortunately not this time.) I dare not blame my mom for waking up. I chose to wake up. I won't beat myself for it. But yes, seeing a dream come true, would BE a dream come true! 

It is pointless to ask for forgiveness. For someone seeing no offence in his doings, no sentence can 'fix' the person pressed with the charges. For those who acknowledge the breach of the law inside them, no reform can grant them forgiveness. That is their penance.

Revival

It is strange to be troubled by a need that isn't a necessity for survival but still leaves you completely frustrated if it has become close to a part of your daily routine. It has been two weeks that my laziness left the world to become a better place. As unbelievable as it may sound, not a single day went by when I wasn't nagged by my insides for the fact that I haven't let the contents of my head out. At first,I thought,what have I to lose? But slowly, the 'snowball-effect' came into life.
BRAINS IN THE BIN: Now this is the expression that comes to mind when I think of what I put myself through. In Shakespeare-is words, I actually cried(in my own head of course!)
"Where go thou, my mind?? I wish not thou art rest in my hind...."
It almost ended up being a low-point of my self-esteem curve. I actually plot this curve you know?? Goodness,I am truly bad at bluffing..
I'm going nowhere...
Somebody help me...Stayin' alaaaaaaiiiiiiivvvvvvee !!!!!!!!!!
Enough self beating! On with new posts...
Coming sooner...

The balding eagle.

This,as you may not realize,isn't a dig at the USA's national bird.

This is something that has taken about more than a third of the earth's population's peace by storm. 

Time-3 pm.

Friend: Dude! You're losing your hair..

The 'Dude'-Oh! Who?? ME??(No,my uncle..) Nah man..My hair's wet. Oh shit!! I forgot to use the towel after taking bath in the morning...(Now you know why the time was mentioned...)

Or....'Dude':That stupid barber is a fucking jackass!! Never go to him!

Friend: Dude,you didn't get a haircut in a month....

WWOOPS!!

Baldness..SUCKS

Poor fellows really don't want to go bald..

Many of our grandfathers,from the mother's side,from the father's side...and in most unfortunate cases,from both sides have had to deal with it(Err...that's me..Annnd I have started seeing what shit genetics can do to you..).

And they,(grandfathers).....err......haven't...........exactly.........succeeded APPARENTLY.

There are all sort of ads addressing baldness and it's solutions in the newspapers,TV,magazines, et cetera . Err,even radio stations aren't immune to this stuff.

There are 'hair studios' that use Shane Warne , Brett Lee, Saurav Ganguly and all the other Lees' to testify how effective these places are. Fellows try all sort of oily stuff on their head..all allopathic,homeopathic,ayurvedic,herbal,Chinese,sub-Saharan techniques, whats' and what not's to stop,if not reverse the deforestation of their precious mane. 

Then there are those wigs of course...age old solution....not very useful until a few recent cases(Michael C.Hall,Dexter lead actor,this one is not funny please!seriously!!)

Some wise ones just stop caring(actually,they stop caring because of helplessness...). They seek solace in reading articles that go by the title 'Girls find bald guys more attractive'(Do I really need to tell you how I feel about this one??) and they obviously get depressed to read stuff that looks like 'Bald folks experience higher stress'. Whether or not they do,I am sure the article's title puts them more under stress.

Now.....The wiser ones..(I belong here by the way) happily go fully bald.

Extra attention is one upside to this one,okay,maybe not the positive kind,but still.A little bit extra of this thing may just come in handy. There are downsides to this one too...but unavoidable in the other two options too, in most cases that is.

Parents(specially moms) get worried.

Ohh!! Son,You will look so weird! You had so much hair when you were young(By the way,you are still young!!). Basically,that is her concerned way of saying..."Son,Getting a girl just got all the more harder...specially when it was already hard for you in the first place..."...Very insightful.

Meanwhile...you are like...Mom,Mayyybe  you could have thought over this issue when you saw both my grandfathers....(Okay...that was SO NOT a joke..Shit!! If my mom reads this,then??).

BUT!!!! BUTT!!!! BUTT(No,the butt doesn't have hairloss troubles...probably even if it did,you wouldn't give a fuck I suppose),men aren't the only ones with the troubled mane.

It is something of a trouble even on Venus inhabitants!! I was shocked to learn of this,the first time,as a kid when I heard this..But later,it sort of sunk in...Law of symmetry. This may not be any proven law...but concepts like 'things go full circle',Yin-Yang(okay,maybe not this one) and things like that...same stuff. Besides,why should the cause of Man's troubles(I am going to be aimed at with rocks for this one!!) be spared of his troubles??(Hope they never understand guys!!)

No,but it is actually pretty sad sometimes..annd fun otherwise(I am seriously dead),speciallllly if 'their' barber TRULY screwed up!!!! But all hands down for those who go all off...THEY HAVE BALLS MAN!! Seriously(Okay,not that seriously...)

Some are unfortunate to go through with things like cancer. I won't call it unfortunate,you can beat me as much you want for this,because these,where ever they are,no matter what the end result,specially if they are fighting, surpass probably every source of motivation on the planet. I don't pity them. It would be an abuse to their courage! 

Okay,it got a bit too heavy I guess.On a lighter note, to those pansys' who are looking to shed their wallets on treatment...two things...

1-Hope your treatment works.

2-Hopefully,you'll buy a hair clipper with a little less money.

For the remaining ones...Enjoy this commercial....You will double up(not sorry if you lack the funny bone!)..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9CQpYPR1Ug

Jai maata di!!

ज़ोर से बोलो!!  जय माता दी!!(Shout in the praise of Mother India!)

फिर से बोलो!! जय माता दी!!(Shout it again int the praise of Mother India!)

दिल से बोलो!! जय माता दी!!(Say it with your heart,in the praise of Mother India!)

मुह से बोलो !! जय माता दी!!(Say it with your mouth!! in the praise of Mother India!)

जय माता दी!!जय माता दी!!

जय माता दी!!जय माता दी!!......

I really wish I could write the whole post in Hindi..

Indians surprisingly constitute the biggest fraction of English talkers. Okay,it may not be that surprising, or maybe it is...err...the adaptation process taking it's toll. It is sort of a reason for pride and stuff,but in another way,it isn't. No doubt it has put us at an advantage at a macro level....hmmm  That's the best I can do to sound politically correct,and frankly speaking,every word that I type into this post makes me feel more like a hypocrite,specially while using jargon like 'Hypocrite'.

I am an Anupam Kher fan. If you do not know him,well...(firstly,bad for you)search him up. He belongs to this 'brilliant but underdog' category of actors..Another one like him is Naseeruddin Shah...And Nana Patekar,just to name a few. So I saw this TEDx talk by Anupam Kher..I remember this particular situation he was describing..He was in a flight,headed for...er...no clue..Cutting straight to the chase, he was sitting next to some guy...as one usually does in a plane and...this guy refused to recognize him...(Yeah,it definitely hurt Mr. Kher's ego but...) He described his neighbor's demeanor like..."Oh...I don't know this actor..I only watch English movies..Hindi movies are like low class" of sorts.. 

When I heard this,what I felt,in fact was not anger...or contempt or anything close to this by a long shot. I felt nostalgia.... It has happened all the time.  Few too many of my friends,and to b honest,many a times,I to have done the same thing. Just apart from the fact that I have managed to watch few excellent Hindi movies,both before,and after the 'cool factor' of watching English movies came int existence. For this,I have to thank my mom. She actually loves watching movies. But my dad isn't a big fan..Maybe one or two in a while..but not too many. 

This is one place here I truly appreciate the Chinese,Japanese(of what I know) and all the cultures,that have really kept their language preserved,maybe not fully,but to a lot greater an extent than we have. Our country is so diverse,the dialect changes every 100 km or so..My figures aren't super accurate,but sufficiently so to just get a picture of where we live. By the way,that figure of 100 km is totally valid in the state, where I originally belong ..Kerala..I don't need proof for this one. And before someone really beats me up,I have to add that I don't talk much in Malayalam,my native language... I love the expression on the faces of people when they think that they can talk whatever they want about/not about me in front of me,after they realize that...well,the guy got every word of what the folks were talking. That expression on their face comes at the price of 'fitting into' their community,maybe it will eventually happen. 

Woooops...too much digression. 

So coming back to Hindi..I was in school,(by the way...back in the days.) A friend and I were conversing in Hindi..Now,the school was an English Medium one(thankful to my parents,more than I can say),so medium of oral......I mean verbal exchange was (obviously..Duh!) English. One of us..okay!! I uttered this word 'abey'..which in British English,'literally'  turns out to be 'Oi'.

Now,we both were looked down upon...yeah,we had breached the school's etiquette...or in Hindi...हमने मरियादा का उल्लंघन कर दिया!! Sadly, the teacher caught my friend,instead of me. He sort of got scolded..meanwhile,I slipped through happily.... I know...I am not a friend indeed,but anyways... So that's the story.

In recent times,the book-worm bit me. It is sort of wrong usage of the term 'bookworm' but who gives? So I got fascinated with reading. I read more in the past 7 months,than I probably had read till then in my 2 decade worth life. So I told my mom,how books keep you occupied and stuff.She started reading too. She actually likes reading Hindi novels. I guess,as long as you read,be it anything,it absolutely is worth it. So in these summer holidays,whenever she reads,I just sit next to her and she reads to me. Probably,I should start reading Hindi myself. A change in language might come in handy...Yeah,so she picked up this book by Harivansh Rai Bachhan,actually his autobiography. Isn't it slightly strange how his grand-daughter-in-law is Aishwarya 'Rai' Bachhan?? Ahh!! Forget the frivolous intricacies..

Point is,this guy did his doctoral thesis on W.B.Yeats..all English literature and poetry...then he comes back to India and goes on to become of the most people in the Hindi literature circuit. Some admirable fellow. 

Thinking of this(I know this one is kind of long but..what to do?!),there is this TV commercial that comes on this channel called Comedy Central.I happened to have heard this one line.

It goes like this..."I'm not a sellout!! What's a sellout??"

Now,I actually forgot about this 'sellout' word for a while till I read the word in this book 'Outliers'(Malcolm Gladwel) when I realised what it meant. I am sure you know it,but just for the sake of it(or bluntly put...Just if you don't know the meaning,here it is...)It's like this person,belonging to a different community, trying to fit into a new community by trying to imitate this new community's people's habits.

From where I see,we have so successfully become sellouts. If you happen to belong to a decently well off background(that I am fortunate to belong to),it is sort of shameful a scene when actually look down upon you when you are speaking in your mother-tongue,or Hindi,most of the times.

From what fellows want to convey,it doesn't have CLASS. What nonsense??

Again,this realization of mine,is to be credited to my mom. 

For the credits to the first stanza in this post,all credits to Krishan Raj Singh by the way...

Faavicol

Music really changes the way you feel...
I have a penchant for lyrics. It is of the most ignored part of a song.
Laundiya pataenge miss call se..(I'll make the chick mine,using missed calls)
As cheap as most of the songs sound,they never the less manage to put a big wide grin on the face..
What I do no understand is that,when you laugh,people think why you are so happy. My moods haven't been any more ambivalent than they are now.
 When you are sad,they wonder why you are sad. It feels absolutely superb when you have your head phones on,you are laughing our of your mind,and you see that weird question mark on the face of onlookers. More than anything,sometimes it so happens that more than laughing because of the song,it is the expression on many a face that is hilarious.
And then,I give them the smile,that basically reinforces their belief in my eccentricity. It's fine with me.You either sob your life to death,or you choose to die laughing...
"Let's put a smile on that face"

Trance

The past two days have gone by like a blur. It feels like you are there in your head,despite you aren't. I am not under the influence,but it feels no different,it seems, as I am yet to get under the influence.. What if you have a reason to stand atop the tallest point on earth and shout out in anger? Firstly,will anyone hear it? What if instead,you are staring into the dark...trying to sleep,and all you do for the longest while is toss and turn around,as inactivity won't let you sleep?
You can't name your reasons. Everyone around you knows it. Just that the thought of uttering the reason keeps them quiet. To say what is in your head is meant to be impolite. Silence is golden. And you smile,when what you ought to do is vent out. There was this lady I heard talking,who said, our brain is not ready for this time,when things are best kept in a bottle. I feel like a teenager with my hormones pushing me the wrong way. I look out of the window,I see 52 shades of grey. I know that what I do is not the best way to do it when I am facing 75 keys instead of a punching bag. Maybe I'll sleep it over. Till then,I wait for sleep to come to me.

The pot

There's this place. It's like the safest place on the planet,especially if you have had extra servings of legumes. No one in the world will disturb you ever. You are left to yourself,with that constant murmuring thing in your head that will never stop nagging a soul on earth,or for that matter,anywhere in the universe. The best part is that usually,you can spend as long as you want,as much as you'd like of your time in this paradise,until and unless you are in a place where there's space for only one of these paradises,with a long queue of dreamers desperate to answer their calling..

Some of the best ideas come out of these places...never mind a few of the worst ones... Calm,serene,peaceful,relaxing(when you simply sit after you are done with your 'doings'). You feel inspired to think. There have been great many monuments(err...statues rather) which have been made in the name and glory of this space. After peanut butter,Ice-cream,Dark chocolate and the few other man made things,this is one of the greatest inventions of man..I present to you...THE humble POT...

Even Archimedes in his 'EUREKA' moment was actually...'in' a pot..Err..that pot was actually pretty big.. But we can safely say,he was somewhere near a pot.
The next guy you see,is one of the greatest stinkers...I'm sorry..'thinkers'.

Look at the peaceful face!!

 And then we have this one..

 Now,as a society,we have had this habit of not mentioning the elephant in the room,be it a pink one or a white or grey one...
Now...here's the real picture...

You see?? So much for reverence.. It's like the sculptors,or whoever wanted the 'un-potted' Thinker's statue built,didn't want the common man to realize that what the Thinker was doing...is precisely the same thing that the lay mad did every morning(yeah,not applicable to the constipated ones..),and maybe,most can skip on the muscles.But the bigger picture is clear. Isn't it? We all are supposed to feel our greatness I guess. Doesn't it feel absolutely great after you are done?? It is actually meant to feel that way.Yeah we all know this,but now,we can sit in peace,as the elephant just fled the scene. Behind you!! There!! 

Oh! I am so sorry by the way! This isn't a man made invention.. Wait!! I have proof!!

Never thought this creation of mine would ever come handy... Never the less,it did. Nature has it's ways....Never mind the text below the fellow or the one in the dialogue box..If you get the meaning,all's well. If you don't,it's no big deal..

In the movie Rocky,Carl Weathers,playing Apollo Creed had a line.."Be a thinker...Not a stinker!"

It's time,I feel we change that line a bit..Be a thinker..while a stinker!!

Happy potting!!