Sing along

There is something about music that is very fundamentally rooted in all of us. Please spare me the horror of having to explain what the 'something' is about music, because frankly, I have no clue. If I were to sum "Something" up in 2 words, my 2 words would be: ''Inexplicable shit"

I see people who listen to listen to a lot of music. Some listen to so much music that I haven't even heard about half of what they listen to, let alone, hearing half of what these folks listen to. 

There are a few things that stand out about the fellows who have a huge body of music behind them.

[1] Their parents have a good taste in music. 

[2] Their immediate surrounding is filled with people who are crazy about good music.

[3] They have a thing for finding/mining for good music

[4] They watch crazy amount of movies. 

Now, here's the deal. I fall in 3 of the 4 categories mentioned above, and yet, if you mention some good piece of work to me, I in all likelihood, will have a blank look on my face. I might even have the audacity to shrug my shoulders, given my predicament. But I am not here to describe shame and my reactions to shameful situations, or rather the lack of it. What I write this piece for, is to throw light upon reason number [4]. 

It is the MUSIC BEHIND MOVIES!!

I love movies! It is one of the vices I acquired after coming to college. You are bound to develop an Achilles heel for something in college. For some, it must be pot, for some, it might be porn, and for a few, it might be both, sometimes even together. This is about the guys. About girls..... I have no clue. I guess I should ask them. But later..  

I like watching movies. I like talking and discussing about movies, until, someone tries to champion me by describing every intricate detail of a scene from a movie. Specially so, if I haven't seen the movie myself. How the hell do these folks just pop out of nowhere and start their relentless rant about a scene from some movie they just saw and found amazing? Too much digressing. Coming back to the point! What I do look forward to the most is the soundtracks in the movies. Specially if the soundtracks are instrumental. No cacophonous accompaniment. 

It goes without saying that the music gives a completely new dimension to the stuff on the screen. Specially in case of Indian movies. We build movies around songs, instead of it being the other way round. So by default, all our movies(barring the exceptions, of course) fall under the 'Musical' category. But again, no complaints here. Since we have such an abundance of songs being produced, there is always a good chance of listening to good music. 

Moving to the movies that lure our attention from the west, which are the 'in-thing' in today's time, it is a completely different ball game. 

Somewhere back in 2000, I consciously noticed the soundtrack of an English movie. I actually was so hooked to the track that I let the entire credits roll right in front of my face. The movie was Terminator 2. And what a soundtrack!! It still has a ring to it inside my head. 

The reason that things are completely different in the case of non-Indian movies, as we all have noticed, is this. The lead characters in an Indian movie do the following to fit a song into the scheme of the movie...

They abandon the scene in which they were a moment ago

They catch a flight to the most scenic and expensive place imaginable, severing all ties to what was going on in the last scene.

And then, they start DANCING! Of all things? Seriously?

Mind you.  The song-and-dance is our version of a decent substitution for a sex-scene. Don't you notice how happy the hero and heroine are? And how can one forget the flowers that the fellows keep shaking throughout the song?

Just in case the viewers are having a bad day, there will be a bunch of at least 20 extra dancers who, magically know the steps to the dance. It's like The Matrix. The extras come pre-programmed with the dance steps. So next time someone wants to shoot the extras, bad luck! These buggers even dodge bullets. Damn! Then again, no complaints. I know more people than I can count, including myself, who would love to, and even have danced to the tune of many such songs.

Nothing dramatic on the other side of the ball park. Western chaps are supposed to be suave. Or, we just place them on a pedestal for some reason. Their music is very subtly interlaced with everything. No dancing. So no choreography required. No extras required. No expensive tickets to scenic places required. Besides, they are already shooting their movies in the places our folks consider 'scenic'. Wow! So much savings! Where these folks must be saving about 100 crores in unnecessary expenditure, our movies celebrate on crossing the 100 crore barrier. 

I must deserve some kind of an award for my ability to digress! Back to music. 

Some years after The terminator 2, some fellow called Hans Zimmer came into the scene. And how he did! Each of his tracks gives me goosebumps that can only be rivalled by Rahman's "Vande Mataram"!

Then started my movie-frenzy. Although nothing has ever come close to "Vande Mataram", I have had the fortune to listen to a lot of good music from the movies I have seen. 

A close friend of made a very valid point some time ago. The general public doesn't know many composers apart from Hans Zimmer. True. Surely not many I can name. But one fellow stands out like a sore thumb. Ennio Morricone. The DUDE behind "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly".

Another thing. Apart from the credits of movies, another place one could, and will come across good music is movie trailers! The best of old and new songs get recycled into trailers.

Enough phirangi  talk. Back home, there are more titans than one can count. Anyone remembers the movie "Dil toh paagal hai"? It had THE best music of its time. And the person who gave the music for the movie is a pappaji(Sardaar). Where is Uttam Singh(The Sardaar)?? 

As an ending note, there is only one thing I'd like to say. 

                                           No! No! Honey Singh! Only good music please!

Misplaced

The most number of times a guy takes bath in his life is in either of the two cases stated below.

a)when he's in a relationship with a girl he doesn't want to disappoint or 

b)when he's a ready-to-be-sold-product of a factory we all call an engineering college. As I am not very well versed with the former case, allow me to stick to the the latter.

Formal Nonsense

It's a long walk, from the hostels to Aryabhatta hall, right through the middle of the campus to, the proving grounds/ slaughter house of the college. So you wash yourself, get all clean and tidy, and walk out of your rooms looking all good in your formal shirt, pant and shoes. And of all paraphernalia, that, your attire is the best part. But only, only of you don't have a hideous preference for colors. Let me explain. According to college policy, students up for campus placements should turn up formally dressed, which, in a slightly twisted way, is a good thing. Forget the fact that one looks a lot more presentable dressed in formals, to anyone, let alone a potential employer. You see, if you can't look good in formal wear, you can bloody well not look good wearing anything. And yes, that line comes straight out of my sister.  And of course, there will be ladies at Aryabhatta. So who gives a shit about whether or not the company chaps are looking good. As long as you look mind-blastingly awesome to the ladies, wallah! What placements??

The Assembly line

Let's get back to the long walk through the campus, the one from the hostel up to Aryabhatta. So you are all dapper and dashing, "Suit-boot pehenke aa gaya launda!", and you encounter a sight. There are two ways from here on. Either that you never gave a serious thought to the sight you have in front of you, or the mere thought of the sight is accompanied by revulsion. 

A moment ago, you were taking confident strides to a future that you saw was bright. The next moment, you see a dozen more just like you. Another moment later, there's an army with exactly the same stuff in their head that you had in your head two moments ago. And if you ever get a bird;s eye view of the whole scene, it will sure as hell look like a flock of sheep going to get reared, or even worse, rear ended, if you know what I mean.

Having said all that I did above, I have no qualms about competitive spirit. Just that when all humans could very well be sheep, that is when things start looking ludicrous. 

The Dream-Snatchers 

They come in HOT! Okay, sometimes, may be not. But the mere entry of the Company-waalas'  sweeps Aryabhatta with a deathly silence, as a sigh of respect, supposedly. I'd bet it is more out of curiosity. Specially the guys in the audience. All we want to be concerned with is if the lady from the HR department is hot or not. In most cases, if the lady ain't good enough to ogle at, our folks decide to under-perform in the company's selection process. And that makes sense. Don't ask why. 

The yuppies from the recruiting company shower the fickle minded college folks with words like CTC, bonuses, work-load/hours, Fortune 500, work-culture, office gymnasiums, steep-learning-curves, Big-data, Big-Bollocks, and of course, COMPENSATION. How could they do without the last word? Otherwise what do we, the students, their prospective employees, get in our hand, except our d**ks? (Whoops, sorry ladies! You don't get anything of your own in your hands.) With that last line, I have guaranteed myself a good beating, in case any beautiful damsel decides to read this.

All the yap by the company yuppies is basically a sales pitch, a very unconventional one at that. It goes like "Here's why you should sell your dreams away and buy those of our organisation instead, so that you can go home with a price-tag stuck to your forehead for preferably the rest of your life."

Now I am really scared, scared of a future when I decide to become a hypocrite.

But that's the way most of us have seen lives go by. More than yourself, your grandmother is concerned whether you will be able to get a good job, then a good girl, then children, so she can call herself a 'great' grandmother. Any other way she can fall into the 'great' category? Doubts...... Great!

I feel I got a bit too bitter there. It is probably because of the books I am reading nowadays, the contents of which are not things the fellows from the recruiting companies would like to see us read. Pick up anything by Robert Kiyosaki, and you would, in all probability lose all your eagerness of being called an employee. 

The lost Knight, in the night.

Now, the company folks want to be rigorous. They might take a truckload of chaps from the college, but they will make sure that they make you feel like a bitch for having taken you on-board. And they will make you feel that way all day and all night long if things are left in their hands. But then again, it is not entirely their fault. They come to a college where there is more intelligence than they can handle, that too in more numbers that they can handle. So they are bound to get screwed themselves too. Never the less, there is a good side to it all. And that is...

The Questions

Wow! Do these blokes come up with questions or what? Stuff you never gave an iota of time or thought to. Yes! Lack of self-introspection is a fault on our part, not in our stars. 

"Tell me something about yourself." 

"What are you passionate about?"

"Why should I hire you?"(This one makes you feel like beating them to pulp.)

Their basic question is "Can you sell anything? Specially yourself?"
Truth be told, it is only after an interview that you feel like finding out more about yourself, because before that, if you look in the mirror and ask yourself the question "Tell me about yourself", the answer is usually "Hmm.....Meh!".

Besides, as condescending "Selling yourself" sounds, Selling is a skill. One of the most important one. One sells him/herself everyday. Asking a girl out? You're selling yourself. Bargaining for marks? You're selling yourself. Getting permissions for some event you plan in college? You're selling yourself. Part of the Marketing team of some club? Again.... 

Someone really needs to start a course called Sales-1001 here!

It's never One-fits-all. 

Now that would suck. Some want to get placed because they HAVE to. Some want to get placed because everyone around them is getting placed. Some want to get placed to secure a back-up option, in case their intricately laid out plans go kaput. Some want to get placed as they feel morally obliged to contribute to their family's income. Some are compelled by circumstances to do so. And some have no bloody clue what so ever as to what is happening.

Finally..

To those, who wanted to be placed, and got placed, my heartiest congratulations.

To those, who did not want to get placed, and still got placed(read "Short-changed themselves"), my condolences.

To those who did not get placed, and want to get placed, Life ain't over. Companies shall line up for you. You at least don't lose anything for thinking that way. 

To those who say "We need a plan of attack!", I say "I have a plan: ATTACK!"

And to those, who proudly say "Do I really look like a guy with a plan?", I say "Respect! Let's just stick to *Doing* things."

**Special mention to all the placement representatives, specially Snehil Gopalka, for their relentless support, dedication and doggedness toward their work at the Training & Placement department. Without you fellows, this post wouldn't be possible!

No malice, but what if?

Right from childhood, we have all instructed to be good to our fellow Homo sapiens, and all creatures in general. Be good to your elders, to the ones younger to you, to poor, and all the remaining varieties you come across. Don't fight with others, and all the YABBA-DABBA-DOO that you have heard your parents tell you, and which you have passed on to your kids, or are waiting to do so. Of course! Why not? Kids should grow up to become self-righteous examples of moral rectitude! So much so that they have a rod up their backsides at all times of the day! That morally erect!

If you come to think of it, which parent would like his kid/kids to be petulant eyesores to everyone? Who would like their kids teasing elders, saying things like "Do all oldies suck? Eh grandpa?". Or even worse, who would want to face the embarrassment of being accused as the parent of the kid who beat the pulp out of 10 other children twice his age and size? To be very frank, I wouldn't mind the embarrassment on the last one! On the other hand, I'd fist-bump my kid for his achievement! I'd even go to the extent of saying "Yeah kid! Now you're daddy's son/girl!". I just hope that the kid is not smart enough to say "Oh, so before this you weren't my father?". In that case, I'd be like "Shit!". Look at me! I'm imagining my kids already! Who's the daddy now? HUH?

No, seriously! The whole business of being all good to everyone is what usually gets people into a lot of crap later in life. Why? Here's why. There are always the smarties who somehow figure out that goodness is some kind of a sham. So they convenience themselves by beating the crap out of the good chaps, good ol' style! And the good chaps stand helpless, as their conscience sets for them a trap that they cannot escape. Now that sucks!

The whole concept of being good was either designed by someone really smart, or some real dunce. If it was the smart chap's doing, he surely had vision! How do you make a huge chunk of the population believe in nonsense, and flock together? Give them the delusion of some higher power that is supposed to play Big Brother with all the flocked up folks. Gently put in a message in their head that some big dude will pop up from thin air and punish them, send them to some very horrendous place where it's very hot, and everything has a color scheme in shades of red. Even Lucious Foxx would say something like "Sorry Mr. Wayne. Here, you don't get it in black.". Woops! No Batman in hell. 

On the other hand, if the dunce invented the concept of being good, none would be surprised. Isn't it? The fellow was a dunce, after all! "Oh! Let's all get high on acid and pray to some random chap. But wait! Not before we stick a round piece of yellow cardboard behind his head! Ah! There you go! Perect!"

Then we know what happened. The dunces multiplied, created more of their kind, who in turn, started creating more random chaps with round pieces of yellow cardboard pasted to the back of their heads!

Trouble here is that we all have also been told that "Practice what you preach". So if there is someone out there who really wanted to beat me up badly, but was holding him/herself back because of his/her parents instilling good values into this person, I will be so dead. That is in more so in case this person is extremely religious. But then let's be optimistic about such things!

Sometimes, I sit and wonder about the things I think. Of there is some fellow who managed to really piss me off really bad, I imagine myself beating the life out of this guy, all while standing on a stage in front of a 1000+ strong crowd, all applauding my performance for having ridden the world of another tyrant! Other times, I imagine such a chap walking towards me. I tell him to stop, and then to turn around. After that I pull his pants down and run away. He tries to run after me, but only stumbles and falls due to his underwear tangling his legs He falls with his face flat to the ground! There are more sinister things I imagine for fellows who manage to really tick me off, but if I were to tell someone in detail what my thoughts  are, I'd be wrapped in a straight-jacket and sent off to an asylum. Now we surely wouldn't want that. Or so, I suppose. 

What is even stranger is how people react to such thoughts. And they react in very strange ways. It actually depends on a lot of things. If you go up to a girl and say something straight out of your mind, she, in all likelihood, WILL freak out! May be that she will freak out a little less if she knows how you think (alas), but she will freak out.  If you speak your mind out to a guy, he might freak out just a bit, but then, think of it as some sort of a joke, laugh a bit, and walk away. 

But let's think of a crowd scenario. If you speak your mind out to a crowd, and have some sort of a way with your words, the crowd will pay to listen to you! How do you think stand-up comedians were born? Eh? Try talking about sex, masturbation, taking a dump, pissing or a combination of these things, and a girl will be like "Eww! Gross! Weirdo! Get lost!!". Talk about this to a guy, and he'll join the farce. Talk dirty to a crowd, and they'll be hooting and rooting for you!

As George Carlin, one of the best stand-ups put it, "It's not good for ya!".

We enjoy the most what we are forbidden. We enjoy even more when others do what we are forbidden. We can't swear at work places. So we go to movies and shows where everyone swears like a sailor! By the way, did I just mention that we are usually supposed to refrain from swearing at work places? Oh! To maintain the decorum and sanctity(bollocks) of the place? Crap! I'm going to be in deep trouble.

It's like this. Be good, eat well, pray, and.... die any way! Sucks like nothing else!

Post-Match analysis

Now, here's a topic very close to my heart! 

Ever seen a bunch of sports commentators huddle up together before, during and after any game? Needless to say, surely, you have! Those chaps, looking all dapper, sitting in air conditioned rooms, earning money by telling the world what 'they' think will happen, has happened, and should have happened? And some one actually has the cash to pay these fellows for the intellectual hogwash they feed the cameras! Sports connoisseurs, they call themselves. Bollocks!

Their job before a game can be justified to an extent. Yes, they might help build some excitement for the event about to unfold. The part where things look a bit muddled is when they discuss their favorite team's  strategy more than the team itself discusses it! If you belong to an Indian household, where as we all know 'Cricket-is-a-religion-and-Sachin-is(err was??)-god', you will surely understand the frivolity of paying such pseudo analysts, specially when you have the real match going more LIVE on the couch than on TV. The fellows at home will go into detail of every shot played throughout the match, even suggesting possible improvements to shots that were just played moments ago. And when the player realizes his mistake and nods in dismay, you have someone at home "See? I told you he shouldn't have played like that!". And you are like "Yeah.". It really sucks when you realize that you do not share the same passion for the game as the one sitting next to you.

Sadly the home-grown experts are the people who watch our bunch of overly payed monkeys, as someone doesn't want to miss a moment's worth action of the game. 

Now comes the ludicrous part. It is the part that comes after the match is 'OVER'! Yes, AFTER it is OVER! These chaps are still sitting in their studio. WHY? Again, WHY? And this is just the beginning. After the sports channels are done with their dissection of the Ghost-of-the-game-past, the news channels begin singing their carols. It sounds like the joke that goes something like this....

There's an ongoing Cricket match between India and Pakistan. Two fellows, one a Sardar supporting India, and the other supporting Pakistan, decide to place a bet on the winner. India loses the match. The fellow supporting Pakistan demands his money from the Sardar. Here's what the Sardar replies- "ओए! Highlights तोह अभी भी बाकी हैं!" (Oi! The highlights are still left!).  [**No offence meant for Sardarjis'.]

Maybe, in all this cynicism, there is one upside to hearing the yahoos talk. You get a live lesson in grooming. Damn-as-hell these blokes have a good sense of dressing! Besides, as long as you do not have Kapil Dev in the Studio, the sort of language used by them is also of good quality. In the process, you might have to see a turban bound idiom-addict-freak-of-nature, and then probably see him again on every channel on your TV screen.

This is not just for sports. Oh no it isn't! Virtually the same business goes on in the stock markets, people predicting the outcome like they are calling a head/tail in a coin toss. If they manage to guess it right, the get another shot at playing Russian roulette. A few too many to count have gone bust this way. But wait a second! It is not just at games or the stock markets or Tarrot card reading that people want a chance at saying "I told you so". I happened to come across something really cringe-worthy online. 

After the recent demise of Robin Williams, the Internet saw a deluge of statuses of people expressing their sadness over the same. One of these statuses came from a friend of mine, where he asks god as to why Justin Beiber has still been left alive. Hmm.. I wonder why.But the the cringe-worthy post/link that left me appalled was the one that said

 "Robin Williams had traits of a person likely to commit suicide."

Oh yeah? Is it Mr. Wannabe-Nostradamus? Why didn't you inform someone about it earlier? Eh?

By the way, Nostradamus is not a person whose predictions I have exactly studied in depth, but I am skeptical about the mystical and Kung-fuey image that people have built around him. 

You see, all the important conclusions come along swaying in the breeze after everything has already happened. Then there are (super)news-hour discussions that these predictors book their tickets to, where they, along with all the other cacophonous crows CAW at our ears, somehow, by some twisted sinister tricks, convincing a majority of us that what what they are yakking about holds the least bit of stead in our general awareness. And since these voices don't reach the higher echelons of power, what the holders of these voices do is try and spark off a controversy, which in turn, is a sure shot way of getting heard higher up. 

But as far as our precious time that is spent on such trivialities is concerned, what a waste!

Noon at a bookstore

If there is one place on this planet where I would willingly give up my sanity, it would be inside a bookstall. It need not be a fancy place that tries to justify the price of the book you are inclined to buy from there by calling itself a bookstore, for we know that books ain't come cheap nowadays. 

The word 'bookstall', for some reason, instantly sounds a bit more synonymous with affordability, in comparison with the word 'bookstore'. Specially if the bookstall deals with second hand books. Talking about second hand books, there are very few things that beat the concept of a book being passed from person to person. A few thing that do beat this concept are chocolate, coffee, and adrenaline!

I had just watched this movie 'Chef', written, directed, produced and played by Jon Favreau, who's only earlier role I recognized, was 'Happy', Tony Stark's body guard in Iron Man. Firstly, why would Tony Stark need a 'Body-Guard'? What was the suit for? Eh? Specially after his 'I am Iron Man' stunt?

Just for the record,  'Chef' is a really good movie!

After the movie, my sister had a few things to purchase(as usual), so he left me to  my own devices, namely my watch and my cell-phone. And lo and behold! The first thing I saw outside the theater was... A bookstore!! The fancy kind!

What more could I ask? 2 hours, a huge room full of books and myself! And more importantly, as long as the shop owner didn't force me into buying a book from the store, in case the shop's POLICY didn't allow free reading, I was free to read stuff for FREE!!! You already get a sense of freedom, don't you?

Let me tell you the most gratifying sight in a bookstall! The most gratifying sight in a bookstall is the sight of a book kept there on a shelf that you have already read. The sense of gratification is tenfold if you managed to get hold of the book at a nominal price, specially if the book costs a fortune straight off the shelf!!

After filling my 'gratification' quota of the day, I moved around a bit into their 'movies' section. I rarely go into a bookstore with the intention of emptying my pockets into there, until I am feeling unreasonably generous to donate money. I usually go there to catch hold of movie and book titles that I think would be interesting. I make a not of them, loiter about here and there, and quietly leave the place, and then search for the cheapest possible place where I can get hold of the titles I had made a not of earlier in the bookstore. Nifty, eh? And I very blatantly accept my cheapness. I think it' a virtue!

So my today''s visit to the bookstall was no different. Got hold of a lot of interesting titles of books and movies that I hadn't heard of earlier, or had forgotten about them.

There was a book about Hitler getting out of his grave sometime in 2011, only to find that the world had come far from where he had left it in what? 1945? I mean, Duh! But the concept sounded brilliant! I hope I can get my hands on that book sometime soon! After seeing the price tag on the book although, I have postponed that soon to some time in future.

After window shopping through the bookstore, and going really mental about choosing a book for my 2 hour wait, I was really upset. I was hoping that I would run into a nerdy looking girl whom I could start a bookish conversation with. Alas! No luck. I could have even settled for a not-so-nerdy-looking lady in my vicinity. But again, alas! So I went back to re-sifting through all the shelves the bookstore had on display, this time, my search being a lot more diligent than the last time. But there is a disadvantage in being so sincere in your quest for reading material. You just end up wanting to read everything there is on display! Now this, we know, is not possible unless you happen to be Will Hunting from the movie Goodwill hunting, where you can finish off a book by just flipping through it's pages once, and toss it aside with an air of accomplishment. I swear on my life, that if I were granted one superpower ever!! IFF EVVER!! I would choose super-reading speed as my superpower. Okay, I guess I sound super nerdy when I say that. But then that's true...

Besides, inside a bookstore, where the walls are quite literally MADE of books, psychedelia pretty much hits you right in the head. The colors look so tempting! For some reason, orange looks very pleasing  on books. Specially when they are accompanied by an oval with a penguin inside the oval, if you know what I mean. Enough about me tripping on books!

Thankfully, I did run into a book that I thought would be worth my time. It was something about this guy, some Dan *Something*. The book was about this chap doing a study about intelligence, wherein he was planning on increasing his intelligence by traditionally suggested methods such as mind  training, exercise, diet change, listening to Mozart, so on and so forth. It was also about how many, if not most of these methods, commonly believed to spike intelligence, were most often mere speculations with no serious backing from research. 

While I was in the process of reading the book, my sister called. Shit!!! How come she's done with her shopping? This has never happened before! What was this? Her attempt at the world records for her shortest shopping session? With only an hour and a half, she must have easily beaten her previous time by a day, FLAT!!

Sadly, I didn't have the cash, nor the heart to purchase this book on intelligence by this 'Dan' chap. A good read though. And so, with a heavy heart, and thankfully not a lighter wallet, I left the bookstore.

I was rather pleased with myself for not giving into the obligatory purchases that I make out of guilt at a bookshop for making myself too comfortable inside one.

And that's how, I trotted out of that beautiful space! 

The Terminator guys weren't joking!

I am extremely paranoid about an apocalypse, specially the one involving some kind of artificial intelligence. Blame it on I having watched the entire Terminator series, or the fact that the concept in The Matrix, Minority Report, Transcendence or any of the movies involving machines taking over the world simply for the heck of it just doesn't plainly appeal to my sensibilities.
And it is not like such a time is far from the present we live in where humans will mindlessly give into the power of machines. Look around! How many faces can you count that aren't looking down onto some electronic device? And by saying that, I am being the biggest hypocrite of all! Right now, I am in front of my computer, typing my thoughts away. How do I know if what I am writing is being read by anyone else? Of course I do know that someone is reading what I am scribbling, and of course, there is the Internet, and we are presently living in a global village and blah.. blah.. blah. But who knows? What if there already is some artificial system in place that is maintaining what we believe to be is the Internet? What if the world has already been taken over by the machines, and we are living 'Duracell batteries' for machines to derive their energy from? Just that the machines must be really stupid to use heat from the human body as a source of energy, because they couldn't get hold of anything better.

Each time I hear the news of some machine out-doing some present human ability, I am filled with a sense of ambivalence. On one side, there's this thought of machine subjugating man, forever making man it's slave. On the other hand, a thought comes to mind. The thought being that how awesome it would be to overcome such an adversary that considers itself, and probably is superior to man in every possible way. The second thought somehow manages to far  outweigh the thought that the presence of a superior intellectual force may be in some way beneficial to mankind in any way.

All this rant from above was triggered by this hideously titled article in the Economic times called "15 ways the world will be awesome in 2050". The article is divided into 15 parts, as suggested by the title, each part being another reason for the world becoming more awesome by 2050.
Here are the 15 reasons.
Lower child mortality- Okay, totally agreed. I am not a parent, nor can I imagine the grief if my kid passes away real early, but from whatever little I have seen in the world, a lower child mortality rate sounds like it will definitely make future a better place to be in.

Vaccines and cures- This too sounds good, specially since the writer of the article is pretty sure of a cure for HIV and other major diseases being round the corner.

Live forever- Now here's where the trouble starts. By Live-forever, it is not like we are on the verge of finding the fountain of youth. Someone will apparently figure out a way to 'upload' our conscious and brain function into a machine. Yeah, right! As cool as it sounds, living forever? Seriously? Specially a life of perpetual servitude inside a machine? Still sounds appealing? By the way, if everyone keeps living, where are the new ones going to stay??

Fewer poor- Now this is pretty ridiculous. Anyone who believes that we all can live in a world without pain and poverty can, well, continue to believe so. But just for the record, the person is delusional, to say the least. By that, I in no way say that I am pro-poverty. It is just that poverty is an indelible part of our society's construct. Without poverty, there won't be aspirations. Without aspirations, there won't be efforts. And without efforts, there won't be progress. Unless the 'Fewer poor' entails getting rid of the poor in any way, like the 'Garibi Hatao' plan, which turned out more to be a 'Garib hatao' plan, poverty going down? I wouldn't be so optimistic.

Artificial Intelligence- Oh come on! This was a no brainer! How is it possible that A.I. won't be there by 2050? Google already has it's self driving car! Despite this, Self-driving cars is separately mentioned in the list of things that will make 2050 more awesome! Maybe we are waiting for more people to come with their own bandwagon of self-driving cars.

Clean energy- I do not understand what the writer of the article meant to say by mentioning this point about clean energy. You see, if we do not have any alternative energy before the said 2050, we, in all likelihood won't have any energy source at all!! So clean energy? Pah! Useless point!

Gender equality- There is only one thing I can understand from this. The machines will be so heavily involved in our works that they wouldn't differentiate between man and women. But yes, given that women are increasingly becoming subservient contributors to our work-force, the gender equality point will be a welcome change, specially if it stops one half of humanity from protesting over this issue.

Global literacy- Yes, sounds good.

Fewer wars- Of course, fewer wars!! In all likelihood, there will only be ONE war!! Man v/s Machine!

Internet everywhere- Again a no-brainer! We are all going to be contestants of BIG BROTHER! And big brother will be some higher non-human intelligence that projects itself in front of you wearing a face that looks most convincing/ intimidating to you. And how would global surveillance be possible without internet?

Organ transplants- Medical science will have progressed a lot by this time, so that sure sounds good.

Reproductive technology and Designer babies- Basically anyone at any age can have a custom-made baby of their choice, complete with the eye-color, intelligence, and disease resistance and skin preference. Basically, we'll be giving nature the finger. In one word, Gattaca!!

Universal translators- This device will allow us to go about anywhere and rant in our own mother-tongue and the person in front of us, regardless of where he is from(provided there is a computer programmer in his country), will understand what we are saying. So if a bunch of us from any given country go to China/ Japan, and both parties highly frustrated with the negotiations, and decide to abuse each other/ bitch in our own language, OOPS! There are going to  be a few fall-outs!
That is just in case if the machines haven't taken over. If the machines have taken over, then they won't need the translators. They, in all possibilities will kill us regardless of what we speak. To them, all will be Greek anyway!

I want to end this post with a joke my mom told me a very long time ago. Here's how it goes...
A man was super-lazy. He was so lazy that he didn't want to attend even nature's calls. So he told a friend of his to develop a machine that helped him with all his daily functions. So the friend of our lazy-lad worked diligently and made a machine that took care of all his friend's requirements.
There was only one button that needed to be pressed on the machine that would be sufficient to get the machine to work. Upon knowing this, the lazy chap thought- "Now who's going to push the button??"

What I am trying to say, that is if I am trying to say anything, is that more than anything, we are going to be taken by our relentless search for convenience before anything else takes us. There will soon be a time to choose between 2 things, namely freedom and convenience. Which one will it be?

2001- A space Oddity

Here's what we are going to do. Imagine the following lines in the voice of those obnoxious TELEBRANDS advertisement hosts, who inherently have their disgustingly condescending, patronizing baritone, that according to the advertisers, makes the customer oh-so-badly want to purchase their awfully annoying products. So, here goes nothing....

Ever wanted to get high, but had no means to? Or did the thought of your parents' reaction after them knowing that "Oh! My child got high!! Now what am I going to do??" ever stop you from getting high?? Or did the lack of availability of psychedelic 'shit' ever pose as a deterrent in your pursuit for gaining a higher consciousness?? 

NO PROBLEM!! We have the perfect solution to your problems! You shall get SO high!!, SO HIGH!!, SO HIGH!!! that Magic mushrooms will feel like candy from there on!! You shall feel things you never felt before, go places you never went before (Mind you, they may not be places you wanted to go), and if you did it right, you might just get past the 'Cerebral Palsy' phase so amazingly well described in the movie 'The Wolf of Wall Street'!!! Besides, if you do try this product, you might actually begin to develop the intellectual capacity to comprehend the contents of this page!

And the best part is a real revelation!! It is completely free of cost! You heard it!! 

ABSOLUTELY FREE!! 

FREE!! 

FREE!!!!!!

**Conditions apply, depending on your geographical location, more so on the internet policies of your geographical location.

I present to you STANLEY KUBRICK MOVIES!!!!!!

*Studio audience claps*

Watch them once!! Watch them twice!! Or any number of times! And you shall be left officially 'MINDF****D' every time! GUARANTEED!

I am not too sure about his movie 'Paths of Glory', but the rest of whatever there is, that has come out from one of the most controversial, albeit also most innovative and revolutionary minds in the movie industry remains mind-numbingly unintelligible. 

It's like this.

It starts with the background music. And here's how it starts... With a silence..... 

Then from somewhere, a Mozart, or a Ludwig or any of the musical maestros start off with one of their symphonies. All's good, all's fine. 

By the way, you may stop imagining all of this being read by the 'Telebrands' anchor, just in case you a haven't stopped doing so already.

So where were we? Yup, the background score. The visuals follow the background score, in terms of both, the feel and elegance. But that's where it all ends. Or at least the comprehension part of the story. What follows next although, is some kind of a concept that seems completely far-fetched to human abilities of imagination. Or perhaps not. What does follow is the innermost fear that each human carries within without realizing its presence. 

The background sounds engulf you in their crescendos to the point that you cannot overcome their rampantly increasing volume. Let's talk about the visual drama that plays the perfect accomplice to the music that has the sole purpose of killing your brain cells before they turn 70 years old. 

Imagine accelerating from stand still up to the speed of light as fast as you can imagine. I'll tell you what that might look like. And trust me, it probably wouldn't look like what you imagine at first. That is because usually, one only imagines things plainly being hurled at him/her all of a sudden. There is a bit of drama to it. 

Here's a small bit of detail that we mostly miss while imagining ourselves accelerating from standstill to the speed of light. Now, apart from imagining everything being hurled at you, also imagine your horizon expanding in all directions. It is like being able to see a lot more while looking straight ahead without needing to look left or right. This happens because a lot many more light rays are entering your eyes now, than at the time when you were standing still. What this should possibly feel like is everything actually moving away momentarily, unlike what we usually imagine.

Okkay, so 'Accelerating-To-The-Speed-of-Light' part is over. Now hoping that you considered all surfaces, specially your skin as friction-less,just for the sake of simplicity, we can proceed. By the way, just in case you didn't consider all surfaces 'friction-less', then we have a small problem. You have probably disintegrated into nothing long ago. But then, let's hope for the best and proceed anyway.

So you are hurling through space at the speed of light. It probably feels like moving through a bright-yellow tunnel with a black dot that is quite possibly the 'other' end of the tunnel. For all you know, you are cruzing through a worm hole. And since you are able to see a black dot at the end of your 'tunnel',you most certainly are moving towards a black hole. So basically, you are going to die.....

You are moving closer to the black hole every instant... And just to add to the effect, there is a screeching sound that seems to be increasing in both pitch and volume as you move closer to the black hole...

 Closer...Closer(louder screech)..CLOSER(even louder screech)..CLOSER(even more louder screech)..CLOSER(screech that feels like your eardrums are going to explode any moment!!!)!!! Oh Shit!! Oh SHITT!!!

All of a sudden, you are engulfed by darkness. There's silence. And it remains that way for a few moments.  You feel comfortable suddenly. Like you were wearing your night-pajamas. There is a light breeze blowing. Ahh.... how good it feels when the cool air enters your clothes and you want to stand that way for eternity... You open your eyes. You look around, only to find yourself standing at the edge of a ledge. Wow! That rhymed! Now, although you did not make a conscious effort to jump off, the ground below your feet disappears anyway. The ground looks like it is being hurled at you. You hit the ground. There's a skull-splitting headache that assures you of the fact that your skull has split into two. You are sure of your skull being completely smashed as you can see your brains blown all over the place, your blood spewing everywhere that you can see. Even you know you are dead. So you wonder "Oh! This is what after-life feels like".... But then, the next thought that comes in your mind is "Uh-Oh! Wrong thought!"

Suddenly the ground is the ground no more. It has turned into the ceiling, all in an instant. As if the forces of gravity developed a brain of their own. So now, you begin your never ending fall into an abyss. You feel like Alice in Wonderland. Mind you, the abyss is pure-White in color. You still feel like Alice in Wonderland nevertheless. You think to yourself- "Let's see how deep the rabbit-hole goes!"

You see a black dot again, and you go like "Oh! Bloddy hell! Not again, man!"

But as you close in, the black dot looks like something written on paper. As you move closer, you can roughly make out that there are two words written.. (I'll tell you the words in a while.)

You read the words, written in black Helvetica Bold. You notice something odd. The middle part of the alphabet 'D' is completely blackened. And you seem to be headed straight into the middle of the blackened 'D'. You are so sure you are going to crash. But you just move into a completely dark place. It feels like free space. You know why it feels like free space? It is because you can see the Earth exactly how it looks like from outer space.

The camera focuses on your eyes, showing the sudden dilation of your pupils. You can see the reflection of earth on your cornea. 

And then the screen turns black.

By the way, on your descent into the pure-white abyss, where you were feeling like Alice in Wonderland, the two words you saw written in Black Helvetica Bold(capitals) were......

THE END 

Dedicated to the one and only, Stanley Kubrick