I was standing on the stage. I was one of those times when the scene in front looked exactly the way it did in my thoughts. Huge crowd in front, a lot of noise, lots of whistling, lots of howling. I looked all around me. I could see my band fellows right behind me. Each one of us glaring at each other, wearing smiles that joined our two ears. We were drenched in this red light that turned to blue, then to yellow, and then just went psychedelic. I was holding onto my guitar like I would hold onto dear life, were I to be hanging from the edge of a cliff. And at the rate at which my heart was hitting my chest from inside, it didn't feel much different than hanging onto a cliff's edge, although not that I have had any personal experience at that. It was this weird electricity I felt within. And I knew it was exactly this that I had yearned up till this moment.
Suddenly, this memory of mine from a week ago just flashed in front of me. I could barely describe it. The only part of the memory I could recollect correctly in the middle of my frenzied surrounding was I saying “I'd like it if you could make it on Friday evening...”. I could barely make out what her reply was.
Then reality sprang back at me. All the crazy lights, all the shouting, that screeching high pitched sound from the ruddy speaker... Damn! There must be something wrong with the connections! These wires always need a few tugs and shoves every now and then! Each moment seems to be taking it's own gala time to pass. It seems like there's a direct proportionality between the duration of a moment and my anxiety. Goodness! What a predicament!!
We just get a signaled for a 10 second countdown to start off. In a frenzy, my eyes dart at the crowd, sifting through it for that one familiar face. Just in time, I notice the three seconds of the countdown remaining, barely managing to get my hands in position to start. And we were off!
Each shift of my finger's positions on the fretboard were just in time to prevent the song from going awry. And each time I felt I had a moment to spare between getting my fingers to dance on the fretboard, I searched the crowds. Over, over and over again.
Just then, I saw a familiar brown shirt. My insides lurched for a second. But then the face turned out to be a mismatch. Oh,Brilliant!
Two songs down, now I was also to sing along while playing. So no room for slack, whatsoever. If I was looking up at all, I definitely wasn't looking at the crowd.
On the stage, you get this sensory overload. All plans get derailed! But beyond a point, things actually turn to get a lot easier. It's like getting high, just a lot better. And that too for free. You feel you're 'in the zone'. Everything looks possible from then on.
A couple of songs later, I'd almost forgotten about her turning up. Okay, that's a lie. I was trying not to think about her presence, or actually, her absence. Then just as we were starting with another song, this song by the Beatles started playing in my head...
“I saw her standing there...
And my heart went boom,
When I crossed that room,
And I held her hand, in maaeeeeeeeeeee......eeeeeeennnnn!!!”
Little did I realize that I was actually playing that song subconsciously. This was barely seconds before we were starting with the next song! When realization struck, I just stopped and looked behind me. My fellows had this dumbstruck look on their faces. Just then, I heard the crowd blast off into this huge roar. If I was in the correct mind, I thought they were ecstatic due to the mindless glitch on my part..
And even better.... I actually saw her standing there!
I just looked around the place where I'd spotted her last. Goodness gracious!! I had actually seen her! It felt like Tweety, the cartoon canary saying “I think I shaw(saw) a pphushykhat(pussycat)... I did! I did see a pphushykhat!!”
I couldn't exactly tell if our eyes met at that point, but I was just happy. And beside, it wouldn't have hurt to say that she came to see me on stage. It's like saying “God loves you” to a god loving person. A pessimist may ask, “What if god doesn't love you?”. If one comes to think of it, does it even matter? God loves you.... God doesn't love you..... It's all in the head anyway! If you believe that god loves you, so be it! Amen to that!
After our performance, the only thing I remember is seeing the message on my phone...”It was good! :-)”. I didn't have to check the sender.
As I was getting down the stairs on my way out, I saw her waiting outside the EXIT door. We saw each other. And we smiled....
Suddenly, this memory of mine from a week ago just flashed in front of me. I could barely describe it. The only part of the memory I could recollect correctly in the middle of my frenzied surrounding was I saying “I'd like it if you could make it on Friday evening...”. I could barely make out what her reply was.
Then reality sprang back at me. All the crazy lights, all the shouting, that screeching high pitched sound from the ruddy speaker... Damn! There must be something wrong with the connections! These wires always need a few tugs and shoves every now and then! Each moment seems to be taking it's own gala time to pass. It seems like there's a direct proportionality between the duration of a moment and my anxiety. Goodness! What a predicament!!
We just get a signaled for a 10 second countdown to start off. In a frenzy, my eyes dart at the crowd, sifting through it for that one familiar face. Just in time, I notice the three seconds of the countdown remaining, barely managing to get my hands in position to start. And we were off!
Each shift of my finger's positions on the fretboard were just in time to prevent the song from going awry. And each time I felt I had a moment to spare between getting my fingers to dance on the fretboard, I searched the crowds. Over, over and over again.
Just then, I saw a familiar brown shirt. My insides lurched for a second. But then the face turned out to be a mismatch. Oh,Brilliant!
Two songs down, now I was also to sing along while playing. So no room for slack, whatsoever. If I was looking up at all, I definitely wasn't looking at the crowd.
On the stage, you get this sensory overload. All plans get derailed! But beyond a point, things actually turn to get a lot easier. It's like getting high, just a lot better. And that too for free. You feel you're 'in the zone'. Everything looks possible from then on.
A couple of songs later, I'd almost forgotten about her turning up. Okay, that's a lie. I was trying not to think about her presence, or actually, her absence. Then just as we were starting with another song, this song by the Beatles started playing in my head...
“I saw her standing there...
And my heart went boom,
When I crossed that room,
And I held her hand, in maaeeeeeeeeeee......eeeeeeennnnn!!!”
Little did I realize that I was actually playing that song subconsciously. This was barely seconds before we were starting with the next song! When realization struck, I just stopped and looked behind me. My fellows had this dumbstruck look on their faces. Just then, I heard the crowd blast off into this huge roar. If I was in the correct mind, I thought they were ecstatic due to the mindless glitch on my part..
And even better.... I actually saw her standing there!
I just looked around the place where I'd spotted her last. Goodness gracious!! I had actually seen her! It felt like Tweety, the cartoon canary saying “I think I shaw(saw) a pphushykhat(pussycat)... I did! I did see a pphushykhat!!”
I couldn't exactly tell if our eyes met at that point, but I was just happy. And beside, it wouldn't have hurt to say that she came to see me on stage. It's like saying “God loves you” to a god loving person. A pessimist may ask, “What if god doesn't love you?”. If one comes to think of it, does it even matter? God loves you.... God doesn't love you..... It's all in the head anyway! If you believe that god loves you, so be it! Amen to that!
After our performance, the only thing I remember is seeing the message on my phone...”It was good! :-)”. I didn't have to check the sender.
As I was getting down the stairs on my way out, I saw her waiting outside the EXIT door. We saw each other. And we smiled....
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