Thursday 22 May 2014

2001- A space Oddity

Here's what we are going to do. Imagine the following lines in the voice of those obnoxious TELEBRANDS advertisement hosts, who inherently have their disgustingly condescending, patronizing baritone, that according to the advertisers, makes the customer oh-so-badly want to purchase their awfully annoying products. So, here goes nothing....

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**Conditions apply, depending on your geographical location, more so on the internet policies of your geographical location.

I present to you STANLEY KUBRICK MOVIES!!!!!!
*Studio audience claps*
Watch them once!! Watch them twice!! Or any number of times! And you shall be left officially 'MINDF****D' every time! GUARANTEED!
I am not too sure about his movie 'Paths of Glory', but the rest of whatever there is, that has come out from one of the most controversial, albeit also most innovative and revolutionary minds in the movie industry remains mind-numbingly unintelligible. 
It's like this.
It starts with the background music. And here's how it starts... With a silence..... 
Then from somewhere, a Mozart, or a Ludwig or any of the musical maestros start off with one of their symphonies. All's good, all's fine. 
By the way, you may stop imagining all of this being read by the 'Telebrands' anchor, just in case you a haven't stopped doing so already.
So where were we? Yup, the background score. The visuals follow the background score, in terms of both, the feel and elegance. But that's where it all ends. Or at least the comprehension part of the story. What follows next although, is some kind of a concept that seems completely far-fetched to human abilities of imagination. Or perhaps not. What does follow is the innermost fear that each human carries within without realizing its presence. 
The background sounds engulf you in their crescendos to the point that you cannot overcome their rampantly increasing volume. Let's talk about the visual drama that plays the perfect accomplice to the music that has the sole purpose of killing your brain cells before they turn 70 years old. 
Imagine accelerating from stand still up to the speed of light as fast as you can imagine. I'll tell you what that might look like. And trust me, it probably wouldn't look like what you imagine at first. That is because usually, one only imagines things plainly being hurled at him/her all of a sudden. There is a bit of drama to it. 
Here's a small bit of detail that we mostly miss while imagining ourselves accelerating from standstill to the speed of light. Now, apart from imagining everything being hurled at you, also imagine your horizon expanding in all directions. It is like being able to see a lot more while looking straight ahead without needing to look left or right. This happens because a lot many more light rays are entering your eyes now, than at the time when you were standing still. What this should possibly feel like is everything actually moving away momentarily, unlike what we usually imagine.
Okkay, so 'Accelerating-To-The-Speed-of-Light' part is over. Now hoping that you considered all surfaces, specially your skin as friction-less,just for the sake of simplicity, we can proceed. By the way, just in case you didn't consider all surfaces 'friction-less', then we have a small problem. You have probably disintegrated into nothing long ago. But then, let's hope for the best and proceed anyway.

So you are hurling through space at the speed of light. It probably feels like moving through a bright-yellow tunnel with a black dot that is quite possibly the 'other' end of the tunnel. For all you know, you are cruzing through a worm hole. And since you are able to see a black dot at the end of your 'tunnel',you most certainly are moving towards a black hole. So basically, you are going to die.....
You are moving closer to the black hole every instant... And just to add to the effect, there is a screeching sound that seems to be increasing in both pitch and volume as you move closer to the black hole...
 Closer...Closer(louder screech)..CLOSER(even louder screech)..CLOSER(even more louder screech)..CLOSER(screech that feels like your eardrums are going to explode any moment!!!)!!! Oh Shit!! Oh SHITT!!!
All of a sudden, you are engulfed by darkness. There's silence. And it remains that way for a few moments.  You feel comfortable suddenly. Like you were wearing your night-pajamas. There is a light breeze blowing. Ahh.... how good it feels when the cool air enters your clothes and you want to stand that way for eternity... You open your eyes. You look around, only to find yourself standing at the edge of a ledge. Wow! That rhymed! Now, although you did not make a conscious effort to jump off, the ground below your feet disappears anyway. The ground looks like it is being hurled at you. You hit the ground. There's a skull-splitting headache that assures you of the fact that your skull has split into two. You are sure of your skull being completely smashed as you can see your brains blown all over the place, your blood spewing everywhere that you can see. Even you know you are dead. So you wonder "Oh! This is what after-life feels like".... But then, the next thought that comes in your mind is "Uh-Oh! Wrong thought!"
Suddenly the ground is the ground no more. It has turned into the ceiling, all in an instant. As if the forces of gravity developed a brain of their own. So now, you begin your never ending fall into an abyss. You feel like Alice in Wonderland. Mind you, the abyss is pure-White in color. You still feel like Alice in Wonderland nevertheless. You think to yourself- "Let's see how deep the rabbit-hole goes!"
You see a black dot again, and you go like "Oh! Bloddy hell! Not again, man!"
But as you close in, the black dot looks like something written on paper. As you move closer, you can roughly make out that there are two words written.. (I'll tell you the words in a while.)
You read the words, written in black Helvetica Bold. You notice something odd. The middle part of the alphabet 'D' is completely blackened. And you seem to be headed straight into the middle of the blackened 'D'. You are so sure you are going to crash. But you just move into a completely dark place. It feels like free space. You know why it feels like free space? It is because you can see the Earth exactly how it looks like from outer space.
The camera focuses on your eyes, showing the sudden dilation of your pupils. You can see the reflection of earth on your cornea. 
And then the screen turns black.

By the way, on your descent into the pure-white abyss, where you were feeling like Alice in Wonderland, the two words you saw written in Black Helvetica Bold(capitals) were......

THE END 

Dedicated to the one and only, Stanley Kubrick