No malice, but what if?

Right from childhood, we have all instructed to be good to our fellow Homo sapiens, and all creatures in general. Be good to your elders, to the ones younger to you, to poor, and all the remaining varieties you come across. Don't fight with others, and all the YABBA-DABBA-DOO that you have heard your parents tell you, and which you have passed on to your kids, or are waiting to do so. Of course! Why not? Kids should grow up to become self-righteous examples of moral rectitude! So much so that they have a rod up their backsides at all times of the day! That morally erect!

If you come to think of it, which parent would like his kid/kids to be petulant eyesores to everyone? Who would like their kids teasing elders, saying things like "Do all oldies suck? Eh grandpa?". Or even worse, who would want to face the embarrassment of being accused as the parent of the kid who beat the pulp out of 10 other children twice his age and size? To be very frank, I wouldn't mind the embarrassment on the last one! On the other hand, I'd fist-bump my kid for his achievement! I'd even go to the extent of saying "Yeah kid! Now you're daddy's son/girl!". I just hope that the kid is not smart enough to say "Oh, so before this you weren't my father?". In that case, I'd be like "Shit!". Look at me! I'm imagining my kids already! Who's the daddy now? HUH?

No, seriously! The whole business of being all good to everyone is what usually gets people into a lot of crap later in life. Why? Here's why. There are always the smarties who somehow figure out that goodness is some kind of a sham. So they convenience themselves by beating the crap out of the good chaps, good ol' style! And the good chaps stand helpless, as their conscience sets for them a trap that they cannot escape. Now that sucks!

The whole concept of being good was either designed by someone really smart, or some real dunce. If it was the smart chap's doing, he surely had vision! How do you make a huge chunk of the population believe in nonsense, and flock together? Give them the delusion of some higher power that is supposed to play Big Brother with all the flocked up folks. Gently put in a message in their head that some big dude will pop up from thin air and punish them, send them to some very horrendous place where it's very hot, and everything has a color scheme in shades of red. Even Lucious Foxx would say something like "Sorry Mr. Wayne. Here, you don't get it in black.". Woops! No Batman in hell. 

On the other hand, if the dunce invented the concept of being good, none would be surprised. Isn't it? The fellow was a dunce, after all! "Oh! Let's all get high on acid and pray to some random chap. But wait! Not before we stick a round piece of yellow cardboard behind his head! Ah! There you go! Perect!"

Then we know what happened. The dunces multiplied, created more of their kind, who in turn, started creating more random chaps with round pieces of yellow cardboard pasted to the back of their heads!

Trouble here is that we all have also been told that "Practice what you preach". So if there is someone out there who really wanted to beat me up badly, but was holding him/herself back because of his/her parents instilling good values into this person, I will be so dead. That is in more so in case this person is extremely religious. But then let's be optimistic about such things!

Sometimes, I sit and wonder about the things I think. Of there is some fellow who managed to really piss me off really bad, I imagine myself beating the life out of this guy, all while standing on a stage in front of a 1000+ strong crowd, all applauding my performance for having ridden the world of another tyrant! Other times, I imagine such a chap walking towards me. I tell him to stop, and then to turn around. After that I pull his pants down and run away. He tries to run after me, but only stumbles and falls due to his underwear tangling his legs He falls with his face flat to the ground! There are more sinister things I imagine for fellows who manage to really tick me off, but if I were to tell someone in detail what my thoughts  are, I'd be wrapped in a straight-jacket and sent off to an asylum. Now we surely wouldn't want that. Or so, I suppose. 

What is even stranger is how people react to such thoughts. And they react in very strange ways. It actually depends on a lot of things. If you go up to a girl and say something straight out of your mind, she, in all likelihood, WILL freak out! May be that she will freak out a little less if she knows how you think (alas), but she will freak out.  If you speak your mind out to a guy, he might freak out just a bit, but then, think of it as some sort of a joke, laugh a bit, and walk away. 

But let's think of a crowd scenario. If you speak your mind out to a crowd, and have some sort of a way with your words, the crowd will pay to listen to you! How do you think stand-up comedians were born? Eh? Try talking about sex, masturbation, taking a dump, pissing or a combination of these things, and a girl will be like "Eww! Gross! Weirdo! Get lost!!". Talk about this to a guy, and he'll join the farce. Talk dirty to a crowd, and they'll be hooting and rooting for you!

As George Carlin, one of the best stand-ups put it, "It's not good for ya!".

We enjoy the most what we are forbidden. We enjoy even more when others do what we are forbidden. We can't swear at work places. So we go to movies and shows where everyone swears like a sailor! By the way, did I just mention that we are usually supposed to refrain from swearing at work places? Oh! To maintain the decorum and sanctity(bollocks) of the place? Crap! I'm going to be in deep trouble.

It's like this. Be good, eat well, pray, and.... die any way! Sucks like nothing else!

Post-Match analysis

Now, here's a topic very close to my heart! 

Ever seen a bunch of sports commentators huddle up together before, during and after any game? Needless to say, surely, you have! Those chaps, looking all dapper, sitting in air conditioned rooms, earning money by telling the world what 'they' think will happen, has happened, and should have happened? And some one actually has the cash to pay these fellows for the intellectual hogwash they feed the cameras! Sports connoisseurs, they call themselves. Bollocks!

Their job before a game can be justified to an extent. Yes, they might help build some excitement for the event about to unfold. The part where things look a bit muddled is when they discuss their favorite team's  strategy more than the team itself discusses it! If you belong to an Indian household, where as we all know 'Cricket-is-a-religion-and-Sachin-is(err was??)-god', you will surely understand the frivolity of paying such pseudo analysts, specially when you have the real match going more LIVE on the couch than on TV. The fellows at home will go into detail of every shot played throughout the match, even suggesting possible improvements to shots that were just played moments ago. And when the player realizes his mistake and nods in dismay, you have someone at home "See? I told you he shouldn't have played like that!". And you are like "Yeah.". It really sucks when you realize that you do not share the same passion for the game as the one sitting next to you.

Sadly the home-grown experts are the people who watch our bunch of overly payed monkeys, as someone doesn't want to miss a moment's worth action of the game. 

Now comes the ludicrous part. It is the part that comes after the match is 'OVER'! Yes, AFTER it is OVER! These chaps are still sitting in their studio. WHY? Again, WHY? And this is just the beginning. After the sports channels are done with their dissection of the Ghost-of-the-game-past, the news channels begin singing their carols. It sounds like the joke that goes something like this....

There's an ongoing Cricket match between India and Pakistan. Two fellows, one a Sardar supporting India, and the other supporting Pakistan, decide to place a bet on the winner. India loses the match. The fellow supporting Pakistan demands his money from the Sardar. Here's what the Sardar replies- "ओए! Highlights तोह अभी भी बाकी हैं!" (Oi! The highlights are still left!).  [**No offence meant for Sardarjis'.]

Maybe, in all this cynicism, there is one upside to hearing the yahoos talk. You get a live lesson in grooming. Damn-as-hell these blokes have a good sense of dressing! Besides, as long as you do not have Kapil Dev in the Studio, the sort of language used by them is also of good quality. In the process, you might have to see a turban bound idiom-addict-freak-of-nature, and then probably see him again on every channel on your TV screen.

This is not just for sports. Oh no it isn't! Virtually the same business goes on in the stock markets, people predicting the outcome like they are calling a head/tail in a coin toss. If they manage to guess it right, the get another shot at playing Russian roulette. A few too many to count have gone bust this way. But wait a second! It is not just at games or the stock markets or Tarrot card reading that people want a chance at saying "I told you so". I happened to come across something really cringe-worthy online. 

After the recent demise of Robin Williams, the Internet saw a deluge of statuses of people expressing their sadness over the same. One of these statuses came from a friend of mine, where he asks god as to why Justin Beiber has still been left alive. Hmm.. I wonder why.But the the cringe-worthy post/link that left me appalled was the one that said

 "Robin Williams had traits of a person likely to commit suicide."

Oh yeah? Is it Mr. Wannabe-Nostradamus? Why didn't you inform someone about it earlier? Eh?

By the way, Nostradamus is not a person whose predictions I have exactly studied in depth, but I am skeptical about the mystical and Kung-fuey image that people have built around him. 

You see, all the important conclusions come along swaying in the breeze after everything has already happened. Then there are (super)news-hour discussions that these predictors book their tickets to, where they, along with all the other cacophonous crows CAW at our ears, somehow, by some twisted sinister tricks, convincing a majority of us that what what they are yakking about holds the least bit of stead in our general awareness. And since these voices don't reach the higher echelons of power, what the holders of these voices do is try and spark off a controversy, which in turn, is a sure shot way of getting heard higher up. 

But as far as our precious time that is spent on such trivialities is concerned, what a waste!